Healthy Emotional Expression: What I Want My Clients to Know

As a therapist, one of the most common themes I encounter in my work is emotional suppression—people struggling not because they feel too much, but because they don’t feel safe expressing what’s already there. Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that emotions are inconvenient, messy, or even dangerous. But here's the truth I wish more people knew: expressing your emotions in a healthy way isn’t a weakness. It’s a sign of strength, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence.

Why We Struggle to Express Ourselves

From early childhood, many of us receive messages—both subtle and direct—that some emotions are acceptable and others are not. We might hear things like “Don’t cry,” “Be strong,” or “Calm down.” Over time, we internalize the idea that emotions like sadness, anger, or fear are "bad" or need to be hidden. This is especially common in environments that reward stoicism or view vulnerability as a liability.

But suppressing emotion doesn’t mean eliminating it. In fact, research shows that emotional suppression can increase stress levels, impair memory, and negatively affect interpersonal relationships (Gross & John, 2003). When feelings don’t have a healthy outlet, they don’t disappear—they fester, often leading to anxiety, depression, and even physical symptoms (Pennebaker, 1997).

What Healthy Emotional Expression Looks Like

Healthy emotional expression isn’t about being reactive or dramatic. It’s not about venting every frustration or turning pain into performance. It’s about recognizing, processing, and communicating emotions in ways that honor both yourself and the people around you.

Here’s how that might look:

Naming the Emotion: Saying “I’m feeling anxious” or “I’m sad today” is a powerful first step. Naming emotions activates parts of the brain associated with emotional regulation and reduces amygdala reactivity (Lieberman et al., 2007).
Allowing Yourself to Feel: Emotions are temporary. Letting yourself cry, journal, breathe through anger, or sit with discomfort without judgment helps the body metabolize emotions naturally.
Choosing the Right Outlet: Not every feeling needs to be expressed to someone else immediately. Sometimes, a walk, a piece of music, or a safe conversation with a trusted person can help move that emotion through. Practices like expressive writing have been shown to improve mood and immune function (Pennebaker & Beall, 1986).
Setting Boundaries While Being Honest: “I need some space right now” or “I’m upset and need time to process before we talk” is both expressive and respectful. This blends emotion with emotional regulation—what psychologists call emotionally intelligent communication (Salovey & Mayer, 1990).
Learning Emotional Language: Expanding your emotional vocabulary beyond “good,” “bad,” or “mad” can help you better understand yourself and communicate more clearly with others. Tools like Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions or the "Feelings Wheel" by Dr. Gloria Willcox are great resources for building emotional fluency.

Why It Matters

Healthy emotional expression improves relationships, enhances decision-making, and reduces internal conflict. It helps you stay aligned with your values and connect more authentically with the people in your life. Over time, it can even rewire how you respond to stress and adversity. Emotional regulation and expression have been linked to improved mental health outcomes, higher levels of life satisfaction, and even longer life expectancy (Keltner & Lerner, 2010).

Final Thoughts

If no one has told you this before, let me: Your feelings are valid. You don’t have to apologize for having emotions. And learning to express them is a skill—it can be taught, practiced, and strengthened. Whether you're used to bottling things up or you tend to let everything pour out all at once, there's a balanced middle ground. That’s where healing happens.

If you're struggling to find your voice emotionally, working with a therapist (like me) can be a supportive and judgment-free place to begin. You don’t have to do it alone.

References

Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348–362.
Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428.
Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process. Psychological Science, 8(3), 162–166.
Pennebaker, J. W., & Beall, S. K. (1986). Confronting a traumatic event: Toward an understanding of inhibition and disease. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 95(3), 274–281.
Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional intelligence. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 9(3), 185–211.
Keltner, D., & Lerner, J. S. (2010). Emotion. In S. T. Fiske, D. T. Gilbert, & G. Lindzey (Eds.), Handbook of social psychology (5th ed., pp. 317–352). Wiley.